I wonder if you ever wish you could've had with me what you have today with her. You know, the whole holding-hands and formal introductions, staying over for your mom's rice and beans with some appealing chat after dinner, the walking together to ran those millons of errands you always seem to have and making plans to spend the weekend in, stuck on the couch. To share our lives and risk ourselves to be completely cut open, ripped apart by each other.
It's eerie to think of you with her. I bet she's effortlessly pretty, her eyes twin shades of ice and sky and her kisses make your lips go numb; her hair is water spread across the pillow you had to replaced; a girl with your longing wrapped around her flawless fingers. I think about how you must cup her face tightly between your bulky hands, reaching for another piece of her you can trust. I bet you love all about her; the way you loved all about me once. I miss missing you sometimes.But I am ripped clothes and smeared makeup on breezy mornings ending foggy nights, the tingling hairs across your clothes and those old shoes of mine I once left at your house. I am cigarette smoke and cold coffee; the buzz left ringing in your ears after a show, the sting whiskey leaves down your throat and into your stomach. I am the secrets tucked in the back of your bed, the blues you can't seem to get over, the medication your father slipped in your breakfast as a kid and the promises we couldn’t keep. I'm forever carved under your first layers of skin, the M marks the spot. You were the first one I called home.
I may have caused a fine frenzy to your insides and thoughts, but it’s only because i wanted someone to let me stay. My claw marks made the finest job in leaving scars, those that get engraved in your brain, resting among the wrinkles and the thoughts and the hopes. Like the first time you ever got head, my warm mouth shivered down your spine like I'd swallow each knot in your back. It felt like I was tasting myself, I always swallow when it comes to you, The thought of me keeps you awake at night, exploring your own body while remembering what it felt like to have me pull your hair and whisper your name. I know you'll whisper mine in the dark, and by letting the words slip through your lips, you'll clench your jaw, bringing me back to life and she won't matter. You'll bring back the days when our hearts pumped blood fast enough for us to blush like evening skies chasing each other like the sea and the moon, and she won't matter.
I'm the reminder of how beauty and pain are always entwined and almost the same.
You didn’t know what it was like until you felt me whole, inside out and outside in, and our only witnesses where the walls of the house you left behind, the same one that has Oto and Vicki carved inside the closet that used to be yours. You can't share that room with anyone else; but you found another me, and that's the hardest pill I had to swallow. Im the champion of second place. I always get second place.
You didn’t know what it was like until you felt me whole, inside out and outside in, and our only witnesses where the walls of the house you left behind, the same one that has Oto and Vicki carved inside the closet that used to be yours. You can't share that room with anyone else; but you found another me, and that's the hardest pill I had to swallow. Im the champion of second place. I always get second place.